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January 20th, 2006

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January 3rd, 2006

10:45 pm - I'm graduated! Hooray! I'm graduated, although they still have not posted a list of those names who did, I passed all my classes and have paid all money that is due to the school and have completed all loan exit forms, etc. so I am good to go. I finished my thesis, and it looked amazing! So amazing that I got an A on it! :) I got B's in the rest of my classes and while this is not great, its definately not shabby considering I didn't care about those classes at all, was traveling to PA to work for half the semester and pulled 5 allnighters to make my thesis perfect! Anyway, I'm done with school and this still has not sunk in. It probably won't til I start school next week or, even more likely, will not sink in til I receive my diploma. I'm in the process of moving from MD to PA, and this is a slow process. I still have a lot to get done but luckily its going well. I'm really glad to be here finally! I'm so happy with myself and my life right now. I feel so different than I did last year at this time. I have a wonderful roommate, wonderful friends, Jason!, a great job, a great everything!! Anyway, I have a ton of boxes that are begging to be unpacked. To all you Troy people, Jason and I will be there on the 13th for the weekend (I couldn't fit a few boxes in my car, plus I miss you guys terribly!) P.S. I don't think I posted this before, but I feel that I should mention that in November the guys of Delta Phi made me a little sister :) This made me extremely happy and for reasons I am unsure of I did not post that info earlier!! Current Mood: happy Current Music: Alien v. Predator (so good, I just HAD to watch it again)

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December 10th, 2005

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December 2nd, 2005

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December 1st, 2005

04:11 pm - It is December. I cannot believe this. I cannot believe that in 12 short days I will have completed all of my college work, in 14 days I will be 21, in 15 days I will be throwing my last college bash ever!, and in 18 days I will be leaving the place I have called home for the majority of the last 3.5 years. 18 DAYS! In 18 days I will be leaving Troy. Yes, I do feel the need to repeat this, I could say it another 20 times and the reality of the matter that I will only be in this room, in this school, in this state! for another 18 days will still not have hit me. Earlier today I bumped into Mahwish, a wonderful girl who lived down the hall from me my freshman year. She made some comment about how I must be living in the Greene building. Thats when I told her that I was definately NOT living there, and that I wouldn't be living anywhere near here ever again in 18 days. After the initial "Holy Crap, I'm graduating before all of my friends who I met as freshman 3.5 lovely years ago" sank in, I thought to myself "Gee, you are handling this quite well! Congratulations!" I thought of all of the positives of leaving school, of graduating, of growing up, but now I'm scared again. Lord, do I have problems! Its a little late to be questioning my motives, my desires, everything that I have worked so hard for the past 1.5 years since I changed my major. Its a little late to turn to Cutler and say "Hey, wanna postpone that job offer 6 months?" To hand over an unnecessary $20,000+ to RPI just so that I don't feel like I am "giving up" my last months of.. freedom? immaturity? childhood? for responsibility, bills, loan payments, insurance payments, mortgage payments, and the inevtiable marriage and children and grandchildren and taking care of old parents. If I stay in school forever, will my life just pause itself? I feel I am too young to be thinking of such things as repaying all the debt I have accumulated, or owning a house, or having babies (which, let me stress this, I am NOT thinking of at all!! No no no. Not until I am promoted to say... Senior vice president of my company?! well, at least Project Manager.) God, I'm going to stop thinking about this. I don't want to grow up! I'm going to go back to reading a lovely little book by a lovely author that Pam suggested. And I think I'll put on some tea or something. P.S. This lovely little book I am reading has inspired me to move to England and write a book and find a tall dark and handsome man who will romance me and win me over and sweep me off my feet who I will live happily ever after with in a cute little Victorian mansion (or a castle. Yes! A castle!) with beautiful gardens (and a cute old man gardner) and horses (get your mind out of the gutter you!) and blue skies everyday! Current Mood: odd

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November 13th, 2005

05:00 pm - :) This weekend was okay. Nothing spactacular happened, but thats okay. I need a weekend to unwind I think. I didn't get as much done on my thesis as I should have, which means I really need to buckle down this week, since my next weekend looks pretty full. On Friday, I'm going to start cooking for the Thanksgiving dinner I am cooking for the boys. I'm hoping to get all the cold dishes and desserts out of the way on Friday, which still leaves me with a lot of food to prepare on Saturday, but Jason (and Moose!!) will be here to help. I don't know how much help Moose will actually be, except to get all the scraps that happen to fall on the floor, but Jason is a *decent* cook and should be able to help out alright :P He's also the only one I think I can trust to help me and take orders without getting upset with me! I like things done a certain (the correct!) way :) For all of you interested in coming, here's what you can expect to be on the menu!! Appetizers: Cheese & Crackers Spinach Dip Artichoke heart dip Veggies Main Course: Turkey Ham Mashed Potatoes Gravy Stuffing (in the bird) Cornbread stuffing (out of the bird) Corn bread muffins Dinner Rolls Green beans (w/ bacon) Acorn Squash Sweet Potatoes w/ marshmallows Glazed Carrots Fruit Salad Watergate Salad Cranberry Sauce (homemade) Dessert: Pumpkin Pie Peanut Butter & Chocolate Pie Banana Cream Pie Apple Crisp Chocolate Cake Roll Pumpkin Cake Roll I hope thats enough food for everyone. Hopefully everyone will make it, plus a few alum are planning on coming too, which will be cool. Poeple like Bob Miller who I've never met before (I don't think) I want this to be everyones most favorite Thanksgiving ever :) I'm in a good mood right now, which is nice. I've been a little up and down lately, which is probably confusing to people, I know its confusing and frustrating to me! Anyway, I'm gonna go make some dinner and get some work done on my thesis and hopefully hit up the gym since Jason is beating me way too badly in our competition. I have no desire to sit through an A-Team Marathon... ;) Current Mood: chipper

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November 9th, 2005

10:48 am - Yesterday I woke up at the lovely hour of 4am and drove to Worcester to interview a few people for my thesis. Luckily it was at my own company (our headquarters) so I got to meet a lot of great people and managed to impress them with my amazing work ethic! (Its not really that big a deal to wake up at 4, drive 2 hours for a 4 hour day and then drive 2 more hours, but apparently it is to them) I got a lot of great (and surprising!) information for my thesis, hopefully Mark is equally impressed! Plus I was able to speak w/ Fred, the President of the company. He asked me if I had any questions/concerns about starting in January, which I really don't. And addressed a few of the ones that he thought I would/should have such as sexual harrassment, working at a satellite office, etc. He also said a few really encouraging things, which as a result make me feel a little terrible about myself, but I guess we'll see how things pan out. He told me that as a young person starting my career at Cutler, I basically have the ability to go as high as I want in the company, that people today think they need to move around from company to company to advance, but that the people in authority right now have been with the company since they graduated. See, this is encouraging, right?! I can go as far as I want! I could someday run the PA office if I wanted, which in reality why wouldn't I want that? But heres the thing that makes me feel terrible. I can't stay at something for more than a few years. Its proven over my very short lifetime that I have a very hard time staying interested in something for such a long period of time. Granted, I thought of this when choosing my career and chose something that hopefully will be different project to project so should hold my interest, but yeah. I am anticipating a mid life crisis and there very well could be more than one. (I sure hope my husband is understanding and supportive of this! I promise, though, that no mid life crisis will involve an affair with the pool boy, strictly career changes, drastic ones, for me!) But yeah, so that one comment by Fred, meant to be supportive, encouraging, motivating, just ended up making me feel a little terrible about my personality, etc. I hate to think that I'm going to be throwing at least one opportunity away, and that there is more than likely not much I can do about it if I want to be happy. I have been in such a terrible place lately. Just within myself. Everything thats happening to me is great! I have great friends, can't complain about classes, my thesis is going great, Jason is wonderful! but still I'm just not happy for some reason. I'm starting to get my typical symptoms of being over stressed, but I'm trying really hard not to be stressed, because I'm not going to screw anything up so why be stressed? I dunno. This Friday may be a repeat of last Friday, but unfortunately Jason won't be here, so hopefully its not going to be too bad. Current Mood: Craptacular

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November 3rd, 2005

12:03 pm - 5 year plan So, I may be one of the few people who actually sits down and writes out a 5 year plan (meaning where I want to be in 5 years and what I need to do each year to get there) but now that I'm doing this I am wondering what worth it really brings. I always do it just so that I have goals to work towards, but I'm looking at what I have, and am wondering why I'm doing this. I have pretty specific and demanding goals set for myself and will that just cause me to be burned out by the time I'm 25? When do you need to stop challenging yourself? and by "challange" I mean, set those unrealistic overdemanding goals that younger people tend to set for themselves. I just don't understand why I can't sit back and let things ride out how they may. I don't want to be a workaholic when I get out of college, but I know that I will be and that there will be little I can do to prevent myself from being as such. I mean, hello. Look at me. I'm graduating early, taking 21 credits and until recently was still finding time to travel 8 hours a weekend to work 8-10 hours a weekend at Cutler. I have little-no time for my friends and haven't really hung out with anyone (other than Jason) this semester. I just don't understand myself sometimes.... anyway, back to making my house sparkly clean to avoid thinking or doing work. Current Mood: stressed, but clean :)

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November 1st, 2005

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October 31st, 2005

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October 18th, 2005

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02:30 am - I'm NOT graduating Except, the reality of the matter is that I am in fact very much graduating in 2 very short months. I don't think I'm ready. I don't think anyone is ready, but I especially don't think I am ready. I guess I'm more ready than some. I have a job, a place to live thats not w/ my parents, wonderful friends and a great boyfriend all very close to where I am moving to. But I'm leaving a lot of wonderful people and memories behind. As well as the comfort of knowing where I am going to be and who I am going to be with. I know where I can go for a good laugh and good times, and I know where I can go to just chill out alone. I know what to expect from classes and professors and friends. But in two months, I don't know whats going to happen. I don't know where I'll be in 6 months. I don't know what I'll be working on, or who I'll be working with. I don't know where to go for good times, because there aren't many under 21 places and I don't know of the over 21 places. I don't want to forget about everyone and everything up here, and I guess more importantly, I don't want everyone to forget about me. I don't know why this is hitting me so hard lately. I told myself I wouldn't get scared about my future the way all my older friends did when they graduated. I guess I thought I was stronger than that, but I guess its something that you just go through when you make a change. I didn't feel this way after I graduated high school, but then again a lot of things happened that summer that I was more concerned about, like my Grandmother being sick, etc. Why didn't people tell me that maybe I was pushing myself too hard? I suppose thats an unfair question since I was often told not to push so hard. Why didn't I realize that I need to slow down and enjoy the poeple around me? I focused so hard on the fact that all my close friends had graduated 2 or 3 years before me that I didn't take time to appreciate and build (or maintain) friendships with the wonderful people I was/am surrounded by. Now its too late. I have bitten off more than I can chew, what with work and thesis and classes and moving from one state to another, etc etc etc and I can't take time to get close to people, whether its for the first time or whether its getting back to the point I was at with people. Whatever happened to randomly stopping by to see Dave and get a back rub, or getting together w/ Craig for a late night movie, or talking to Jeff and trying to get him to admit that he was my friend and giving me a hug? Whatever happened to adventures? Whatever happened to good times? Whatever happened to being the college kid that I am? Why am I going down to PA every weekend? Why am I working my ass off to graduate a semester early? Why do I feel the need to get to tomorrow sooner, when I'll just regret not enjoying today? I hate feeling like this. I need a really big hug and someone to reassure me that I'm doing the right thing right now. I need someone to invite me over for a movie, or go camping in the living room with, or have a "work party" that involves oranges and braiding napkins all night. Current Mood: sad

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October 13th, 2005

11:07 am - New Picture Aren't Jason and I the cutest? :P Current Mood: loved

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October 12th, 2005

01:05 pm - Caution: Severe Sappiness Ahead Ryan Phair and I were talking before I went to take my test for Earth and Sky, which I hopefully did well on, about how we met freshman year. It got me thinking a lot, and I'm actually pretty sad right now. I can't believe that I am graduating in 2 months. I just can't wrap my mind around the concept that I am never going to be back here, with the exception of a few times when I come back for parties and, hopefully, a few formals and whatnot. So much of my life revolves around this place. There have been so many incredibley happy times with the people here, and I can't believe I'm going to be leaving that all behind. I'm no longer going to walk around campus remembering certain things about people. I'm not going to be popping in to visit the guys at their house. I'm not going to walk those certain paths anymore and remember walking them with certain people. Most of my memories revolve around people who are no longer here, with the exception of Dave and Jeff. I hate to think that I am going to lose those reminders when I'm not here on campus where they happened. Ryan and I were taking about how we met, which was through my freshman roommate, and one day we went to play pool in the Union and Ryan brought Craig with him, which is how I met Craig. Its when I look back on events like that, that I can't help but believe in fate or something higher that "controls" everything. If I hadn't roomed w/ Isabella, if she hadn't known Ryan, if Ryan hadn't brought Craig, none of my life right now would have happened. Nothing I am doing right now would be the way it is, and I'm pretty happy right now, can't imagine being happier, so if that's not fate... I wish I could go back and do it all over again. Some people long for high school, I long for my freshman year back. Would I change things? Probably a few, but then again everything has worked out well for me now and if I had to sacrifice the "today" for the "yesterday" then I probably wouldn't. I just have met some incredibley wonderful people here, who I really do love (in that way I love friends) and who I never ever will forget. I met people who I hope to stay in touch with for years to come, people I want at my wedding, people I want to see every year or so, or at least talk to every few months. And even thought I'm not a brother of the house, I love those guys more than they can possibly know, and I miss those who have graduated, and I will miss those who I am going to leave behind. I'm crying a little from too much sappy crap, but I love you guys, and i'm going to miss you if I don't already. P.S. Mark your calendars for the 16th/17th of December. Alex and I are having a joint 21st party at my apartment, with a job keg thrown in for good measure :) Current Mood: nostalgic

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October 4th, 2005

12:11 pm - Love I was having a conversation with someone, and that got me thinking. I don't have any conclusions as of yet, I think I am still too young, but yeah. This person was saying how love was too subjective. How, one person can say that they "love" you, but that "love" to them, and "love" to you may be two totally different things. Plus, there are different degrees of love. I love my family differently than I love my friends and I will love my future husband and children even more differently than family or friends. I think there are very few people who can tell each other that they love them and have complete understanding of what that means. I think I only have (other than my family) one person who understands me when I tell them that I love them, and that is Pam. I try not to tell my friends (other than those very close, obviously) that I love them, because I want that word to have a special meaning for when I finally tell it to my significant other, but that turns out to be very hard when many other people are so loose with the word. I never understood, and never will understand, how people in middle and even high school can tell each other that they "love" them. I first heard "I love you" from a boy in the 5th grade. Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I definately did at the time. 5th graders shouldn't be talking about love, nor should they be talking about marriage and children as that guy did. (yeah, it scared me a little, looking back it probably scares me a little more) I'm not really sure why I am writing this post at all. I guess I've just really had love, or the concept of love, on my mind a lot. Really thinking about that conversation. I wish there were words for the different degrees of love, so that no one would ever misunderstand another person and get hurt and so that everyone could just be on the same page about everything. But I guess that if you could define love, being "in love" wouldn't really be as spectacular as it is supposed to be. I have other thoughts on marriage, and the like, but I have a feeling that I'll have more thoughts on that subject after Nick's wedding, so I think I'll hold off... Anyhow, my life is going pretty well. Current Mood: thoughtful

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September 25th, 2005

09:39 pm - Its been awhile I've been pretty busy, so haven't had much time to update. Classes are going fine. I'm thankful that none of them are "homework heavy" I think I would be more than a little stressed right now. I think I'm starting to realize that perhaps I took a little too much on to my plate. Now that I have a fax machine set up in my room, I expect that during-the-week work to pick up, plus classes are starting to get a little more "in-depth" and tests are starting to pick up, and work study, and the commute every weekend is starting to get a little tiring. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not unhappy or nearly as stressed as I usually am, I just am feeling it particularly worse at this moment than usual. I had a scare on Thursday. A little water spilled onto my laptop (not like on the keyboard, it was closed and got on top of the monitor case thingy) and I got to class and my computer was ON and WORKING but the screen wouldn't work. So I left class (b/c the lab was online) and went into the RCR. They told me that the LCD was probably shot and that it would take $500/600 to fix. Don't have that much money right now, and I was flipping out. I let it rest and tried again before I left for PA, and thankfully it seems to be working fine. Someone is watching out for me, and whoever that is, I thank you very much! This weekend was busy and fun. I spent a lot of time with Jason (which, in case anyone was wondering, we are back together. Go ahead, say "I knew/I told you so" b/c I don't particularly mind :P) Went to his rugby game on Saturday, and it was the most gorgeous day EVER. It was chilly in the morning, but when the sun came out it was just perfect. Half of me is a little on the red side, but honestly I don't care. I wish everyday could be that perfect. What else? Turns out I'm coming to the 3-3 and Sara, the PA roomie is gonan come to, and Jason will more than likely come later in the day since he has rugby early afternoon. Ugh. Man, I'm tired and have a little work to get done before hitting the hay. I'm gonna run off :) byee Current Mood: happy but sleepy

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September 13th, 2005

02:05 pm - Ever have one of those mornings When you wake up feeling awful and confused about your life? Unfortunately, this morning was one of those mornings. I couldn't get to sleep last night, and when I did I just kept having crazy dreams about getting lost in places that were supposed to be Philadelphia but defiantely were not or other weird dreams. I know that it doesn't sound that weird, but the place I was just freaked me out, like the people I was with were supposed to be people I knew, but they were people I had never seen before who, quite frankly, were the creepiest people I had ever met. And then, the only way I made it back to my house was to call Jason to come down to Philly and pick me up. And I feel so confused about aspects of my life, things that I thought I had all sorted out, but then I realize that I most definately do not. And there are some things that I thought I would never feel comfortable with and I am, I'm even content and happy with most of my life. I feel less stressed now than I ever have before in my life, and I have more on my plate than ever before. 5 classes, 2 jobs (one of which requires commuting 6 hours every weekend) and then of course the general college things, and making sure that I don't piss anyone off by ignoring them too much. But in other ways, I feel pressured to make decisions on things that aren't necessarily things that I should have to think about so much, nor are they things that I particularly want to talk about in detail w/ anyone, at least until I have the mess cleaned up and organized in my head. But I also don't really want to think about it, because it tends to just make me more confused than ever before. I'm tired of analyzing imaginary scenarios where things go either really great or really horrible. I wish I could just sit back and let things go their own course, but that seems a little scary too. I don't even know what I am talking about anymore, and I doubt anyone reading this does. So, I'm off to work on my thesis and give blood and go to class. Lots of love to everyone :) Current Mood: crazy confused

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September 11th, 2005

10:46 am - This weekend was interesting... This weekend was nice. Thursday night when I got into PA, Sara and I went out to dins and hung around til bed. Friday was a work day, and I LOVE the new girl, plus Dave's daughter comes in 3 days a week to file which is NICE NICE NICE. I really missed everyone in the office and I was kept busy busy and just had a great time. I'm going to look forward to Fridays every week :) Friday night I met Jason for dinner and we got waaaay lost in Bethlehem, like for an hour! Until we bumped into a road I had heard of and then we managed to get unlost. P.S. the river btwn Bethlehem and Allentown smells AWFUL. Saturday Sara and I went to BJs to get some suppys for her BBQ. I am now a member of the BJs club. :P Around 3 people started showing up for the BBQ and we cooked, and just chatted it up w/ people and had a really good time. I think I am coming out of my shell a bit more around strangers. Hooray me! I am going to leave a little later than I had planned, Jay is apparently coming to visit for lunchins, and then I'll be back in lovely Troy. I kinda wish I was just staying here, but its only 3.5 more months. Current Mood: weird

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September 7th, 2005

07:48 pm - So. So. I haven't really had too much to say. Troy is the same as its always been. I'm really missing my PA family. I can't wait to see Sara, and the cats, and even Greg tomorrow. And I definately can't wait to get back in to work. This semester doesn't seem too bad, with the exception of my thesis. My "physics" (and I use the term lightly) class is a joke. Its more like a "How to use Excel" class, but whatever. My Sculpture class is.. interesting... :P Different than any other structured arts course I have taken in the past. Earth and Sky is genuinely interesting. The professor is very excited and enjoys what he is teaching. I would have to say that having a professor who's really enthusiastic about what they teach is almost a first here at RPI for me... Professional Practice... Yeah, joke class #3 for the semester... And my thesis is the only class that I am worried about, and even then I'm not really "worried" I know I will find the research, will create a kickass theory and will write an amazing paper. Hoping for a wonderful last semester at RPI. I've never has a semester I've considered a "breeze" if this one turns out to be one, that'd be great. I mainly just want to get out of here, go to CA for a few weeks, and then start working. Isn't that awful and depressing? I'm sleepy, and my dog was pissing me off.. Going to read some non-class material for awhile, and pack for the weekend, etc. Current Mood: blank

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August 27th, 2005

11:12 am - At school So, I've been at school since Thursday afternoon and so far I've had a blast! Thursday after I unpacked, etc. Alex, Brian and I went to Albany to get some food at bombers, Moose went with us and everyone on the street thought he was the cutest thing. We went to the Empire State Plaza after that and sat around in the gardens. After we dropped Moosey off, we went to open mic night at the Daily Grind. The drinks were great and there were many interesting characters! Its was really fun and I think I'll go again! Friday Brian and I cleaned out a huge chunk of my storage place. There's still a ton to do. I spent the day unpacking and stuff. Hannah and Emily showed up yesterday. We just hung around my apartment last night and talked, etc. I'm pretty sleepy, but right now I'm cooking some food up for the the bbq we are having tonight at the house after all their fun meetings. I think Dave and I are going to go to the movies this afternoon too. I got Nick's wedding invitation the other day and I hope I am able to go. I'm going to plan on going. Dave said if he can get Monday off he's going to try and go as well, and I hope Jeff decides to come. I just don't want to drive all the way down to Norfolk and back by myself. That is quite the trip. Seems weird though. So many people that I know are getting engaged or getting married, and I just can't even imagine that for myself at this point. Anyway, gotta get the icecream mix made, then off with Dave! :) Current Mood: happy

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